Time doesn't heal everything

"Time heals everything." Um, no. Time does not heal everything. It has been 11 years today since our house burnt. We lost our beloved dog Bear and everything we’d ever worked for. Eleven years later and I can still smell the smoke. I more than remember the pain, I still carry it with me. I can’t find the words to describe watching your life go up in smoke. There just aren’t any.

I still miss you Bear. I hope Papa is spoiling you. I hope all of you furbabies are enjoying each other. What a beautiful pack you must all make.

Christmas with a broken heart

Sometimes knowing you are supposed to be happy makes it even harder to actually BE happy. That's when we paste on the smile for the sake of those around us.

This is my Dad, Ed. This is how I try to remember him. Back before diabetes and age took their toll. It's a terrible feeling when you know the end is near. We didn't know the exact date or time but we knew it was coming. It was growing more near with each passing day. When his day came, even though I thought I had prepared myself, it rocked me to my very soul. It has been over four years now and there are times the pain still takes my breath away. Nights I am still robbed of sleep missing him. Days when I would gladly go back in time and do it all over again no matter how hard it was. Left behind with a ton of regrets for the fights and all of the visits I didn't take the time to make.

I take solace knowing that in the end he knew how much I loved and adored him. He knew he was loved, wanted, needed and would be missed.

I love you Dad!
Merry Christmas in Heaven